What's the problem?

So what prompted this? 

I read a thing. It was a paper by an academic who struggled with problems that sound so familiar to me. "Work problems". The problem of being unable to work, even though they have productive, meaningful, fulfilling work to do (as she says, this is a problem for the privileged). There are mental blocks preventing you from doing not only what you know you should be doing, but also that which you actually want to do. This is what I do (or rather, don't do). I really like my work, and I can't imagine doing anything else. I have great reasons to get on with it: I want to graduate in a few short months, and I want to get on with the next things in my life (like a real job). I won't be able to do those things unless I finish my thesis.

And yet, days go by where I do very, very little. Sometimes it feels like an accomplishment to do the basic chores of staying alive: getting out of bed, bathing, eating. If I manage to get to my office and sit down at the computer, I surf the internet for hours. I am always about to start. Always in preparation. Just this one last link.

Virginia identifies her problems. For her, there are issues of resentment, fear, etc, etc. Mine are similar from a distance, but differ in the detail. I have come to understand that three patterns of thought stop me from working:

Fear: I am afraid of doing well, and of doing badly. If I do badly at whatever I am trying to accomplish, I will let people down, and I will fail to live up to my potential. I will therefore be A WASTE. If I do well, I reinforce the false belief others have in me, and when I inevitably do badly, I will only let them down more. Either way, if I create something that I do think is quite good, it makes me vulnerable: someone could come along at any time and point out that I have constructed a house of cards. Then the whole thing comes down.

Complacency: The thing is, that doesn't seem to happen. I keep getting away with it! Its great! I leave it to the last minute, and then manage to lay some golden turd. I don't need to work hard. In fact I am most productive when I am under pressure, so it is best if things pile up anyway. That way I have no choice BUT to only prioritize the things that must get done, and the mere act of getting them done (under such pressure, phew!) is quite an achievement. Everyone thinks so. I am a BUSY PERSON, with important THINGS TO DO. In truth I am lazy, and spend most of my time slacking off. The fact that no-one seems to notice can only mean that when I am productive I am soooo much better than everyone else. Therefore, I can continue to be lazy, and things will always work out.

Addiction: I'm just going to see what is on reddit-hufpo-dailydish-fb-reddit-hufpo-dailydish-fb-reddit-hufpo-dailydish-fb-reddit-hufpo-dailydish-fb...